the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just blew my weed a kiss
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
