I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
