My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
