Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
