Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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