her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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