She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
