you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So much Jack, so little girl.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
