Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
