he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
