I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
