You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
3 2 1 whiskey
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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