There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
