Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
