After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
