How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
