You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
