how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
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We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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