i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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