i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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