I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
