I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
