I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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