Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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