I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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