His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
