lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
