Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
