I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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