If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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