I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
