My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
