I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
