The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
