I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
