please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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