Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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