my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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