I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
