I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
