i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
