help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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