Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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