It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
