Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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