Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
