Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
