Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
