I am puke
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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