Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I did not marry a roomba.
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