dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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