He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
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explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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