Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I forget how to act sober
Randomize