Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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