the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
