I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
