You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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