Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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