I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
