I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
