Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
