Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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