She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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