U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
