man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
