ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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