i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
