i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
