why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
