so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
