This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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