she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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